The Chronicles of Irony
by RidingOrangeTides
Summary: Naruto is one of the top in the school. The staff are the most irresponsibly immature of them all. How do they live like such? AU. Funny. Pairings: JirTsu -major-, slight NaruSaku, slight ShizuGen/ShizuKaka, slight NejiTen, and mostly slight everything.
1. Sex Ed?

Naruto sat on the bench of the P

Naruto sat on the bench of the P.E field has he wiped off the sweat from the weekly mile run around the campus. He recalled last year in 6th grade, where he remembered being in the state of practically dying during the runs. Naruto patted off some of the sweat that rested on the patch of the left side on his shirt that read Senju Hashirama Ichidaime Top-flight Section. Or for short, S. H. I. T. S. (do not say out loud.)

He worked hard to achieve that section to join with his fellow friends (which were actually not that much until he actually got in) and prove his academic worth.

"Our little top-flight shit tired?" Said a boy standing over Naruto, shading him. Sasuke, of course.

Naruto sighed. "Shouldn't you be in your fancy-ass school?"

"Day off."

"Who gets a day off in _school_? It's like forced labor; but for kids! And no pay."

Sasuke put his hand on his hip and examined his nails. "Too bad. Lord Orochimaru Wakurato Academic Snake Society is way better than this dump."

"Lord Oro… L. O. W. A. S. S.??" Naruto asked as a burst of laughter came off, rebuilding the sweat on his forehead. Sasuke frowned and growled.

"Whatever, loser. I'm leaving." He said, turning back and exiting through the P.E gate. Naruto held at his stomach to hinder his laughter and waved.

"Have fun."

The bell rang as the instructors blew their whistles and commanded everyone to get in the locker rooms to dress for 4th period. The boys crowded over the door, as Naruto knew well enough and stay at the back of the pile, where no one could step on him. He glanced over to the girl's locker room, only a small distance away; they were all in straight lines. He laughed and walked through.

The locker doors clanged closed as Naruto opened his. Some of the boys were neatly dressing, and some wear running around with another person's clothes in their hands and whipping people with it. Mr. Maito blew his whistled and yelled.

"Hey! Inuzuka! Stop screwing around!"

Kiba halted and tossed the shirt back to the squirming Lee. "Sorry sir! Heh!"

He ran and slammed his arms on his locker, which was right next to Naruto's. Naruto faced him with his uniform shirt half-on.

"You're jumpy today." He said, trying to overpower the noise the boy that were yelling all over the place and clanging the lockers closed.

"Yeah! Haven't you heard?" Kiba said, opening his locker and finally putting on his uniform.

"Heard what?" Naruto asked, tightening his belt and slinging on his messenger bag.

"We're learning Sex ed!" Kiba said, buttoning up his shirt and closing his locker after sliding his backpack on.

"The hell?" Naruto said, smiling and amused as she closed his locker as a storm of clanging came after his. They slid out the door and giggled they're way out. Sexual things were amusing for them, mostly because they loved seeing their classmates freak out, especially the boys. It just showed how immature they were compared to Naruto. Yes, Naruto is mature.

The bell went it again as a storm of students came rushing out of the doors and into their next destination.

"So how bad is it going to be?"

"I don't know. We'll see for ourselves." Kiba said, trotting away with his other colleagues, Naruto peered over to his side and found his female companions, Sakura, Hinata and Ten-Ten.

"Hey girls!" Naruto politely greeted as Sakura and Ten-Ten greeted back as Hinata just sweetly smiles; like she always did.

"Are you prepared of what's coming up next period?" Naruto asked, curious of their reaction once they get to class. They laughed together after a few seconds; yes, they were in on it, too.

"Remember, kids, single file line, single file line, if I see more than one person come in at a time I shall have Ton-Ton sit on your head for the rest of the period," Shizune said as each of her students swept in gracefully, doing as she commanded.

"Afternoon, Shizune!" Naruto politely greeted as Shizune sweetly smiled and responded, "Hello, Naruto. Now go to your seat."

Shizune disliked being called Miss or anything like that—it made her feel old (despite how she actually is old enough to take on the name of Miss).

Naruto and them took on their seat together in the 5-seater desks. Kiba smirked as Naruto mimicked Shizune's fake sweet smile as the three girls giggled. Chairs scooted in and out so that the students may be seated. The screeching stopped after the last seat was taken. Shizune tipped her glasses and point her finger in the air.

"Alright, today until next Wednesday, we will be doing Sexual Education." A thunder of giggles came crashing in from the opposite side of the class room as Naruto and them remained silent.

Shizune flipped the white board and revealed a number of questions. They took out their notebooks and such to prepare for whatever hit.

"Alright, 'what is sex?'" Shizune asked, peering over the class to see who's hands raise up. No one did and so she picked a random student who happened to be falling asleep. Shikamaru, of course.

"Shikamaru! Explain to us what sex is."

"Masturbation, except with two?"

The class thundered with loud laughter as Naruto and them held in their humor with small, light giggles.

"Um… That's sort of correct, but, uh." Shizune started off, adjusting her glasses. "It is gender, and sexual intercourse. There are three types of sex: oral, anal, and vaginal."

The class twitched as Naruto and them eyed everyone to see the expression in their faces. Neji looked calm—but was red the whole time. Lee was covering is ears. Shikamaru was sleeping, and Chouji was barfing. Who knows what.

"Okay, class! Time for pictures!"

The class sat quietly as Shizune opened up the powerpoint and began doing her job. The class was horrified. They began coughing, twitching, ew-ing, and gagging. Eventually, Shizune took off her glasses and put her serious face on.

"Okay, why can't you guys handle this maturely? You people ought to be more like table three!" She said, pointing to Naruto's table. They smirked as Naruto put on an especially smug one.

The bell irritated the ears of the children once more, and what was an hour of teaching felt like a day. One by one, each of them came out, looking as if they saw something dead. Naruto and them were the last one's to leave, and automatically started laughing on the way out.

"Who knows what they'll do next time." Kiba said.

"It's only Thursday, there should be more to come." Ten-Ten said.

They began stumbling through the halls with laughter from only picturing how red Neji would turn.

"I love school."

**-Heh! I know. It's lame. But hey, this is what I'm practically going through! Lol. There are two sections of the story that switch off every chapter One, the students activities, and what happens with the Staff. Next chapter: Jiraiya's office got blown up?! Why did it happen and who's office will he bunk on? Most importantly, what happens in the office. Stay tuned.-**


	2. Principal Senju

Principle Senju **(Tsunade's last name is Senju.. Chapter 390-something) **sat in her office filing through the attendance records, wearing her usual principle look. Navy blue girl suits were kickass. She spotted two unexplained absences from one of her favorite students. She looked around for anyone's presence, juts in case they would stop her and lecture her. She hated lectures. Senju took out a pen that matched the ink of the records and filled in the blank box with a check. The pen was then tossed away and she lay back smirking.

"I told them they should use computerized attendance."

Kakashi came rushing in, panicking with his clipboard stuck in his arms.

"Ms. Senju! Mr. Ero's (**I don't know Jiraiya's last name) **office was just destroyed!" He said, panting and panicking.

Tsunade sat up and drank her water form her water bottle. "I know."

"… then!?" He said, shaking his hands in frustration with the principle.

"Don't worry, he'll just stay in my office while I send construction men to clean my mess."

Kakashi paused with his arms facing straight down. "YOU blew up his office??"

"Yeah." She said carelessly, finishing her water and throwing it in the trash.

"Why?! Do you _know_ how much money this is going to cost?!" Poor Kakashi said, practically having a heart attack.

"Cause. And don't worry. I have it covered."

"But how you blow that up?!" Kakashi said, red from panic.

Jiraiya soon walked in with his white suit shirt and tie and black pants. He tipped his glasses and pointed a sly finger at Tsunade. "You blew up my office?"

"Yeah." She said, giving the same tone she gave Kakashi.

Jiraiya set his mouth to the side and put down his finger and shrugged, "Okay," and walked out casually.

Kakashi looked down, giving up and slumped out and sighed. "I'll go call the construction service…"

Tsunade smirked. "I always win."

"No you don't." Kurenai said, appearing from the side, tipping her glasses and waved her ponytail as she leaned on Tsunade's desk.

"During your office-explosion-fun, there were a few important files in there."

"So?" Tsunade said, resting her head on her arm.

"The files were information on accessing the school's budget. Now we cannot use it for anything."

"Oh my god, no, we're going to go poor! Boo-hoo!" Tsunade sarcastically said.

Kurenai raised an eyebrow. Was _this_ the principle the staff selected?!

"Don't worry. I have my own savings. Waay more than the school's."

"And where did you get that?"

"Because," Tsunade said, leaning towards Kurenai. "I always win."

Kurenai rolled her eyes and left for the door as Tsunade stopped her last minute.

"By the way," Tsunade started. "What _is_ it with you teachers and glasses?"

Kurenai smirked as she opened the door to leave. "It makes us look smart."

* * *

It was after school, and a few teachers had their daily leisure meeting for small talk and all that boring crap. Tsunade sat in the first chair of the large table as Shizune joined in. The rest of their teachers had better things to do than hang around an incredibly irresponsible Principle.

"So how was teaching Sex Ed?" Tsunade asked, sipping up her cup of coffee. Shizune laughed at reminiscing the class that reacted the funniest.

"A lot of them couldn't handle it properly. The only few who did just laughed at the others for being immature." Shizune said, drinking her preferable water and not coffee.

"Well," Tsunade started, "It's freaky! I mean what if a teacher you thought was innocent was flashing you pictures of erected dicks—"

"You mean the penis." Shizune interrupted.

"That's what I said, di—"

"The penis, Ms." Shizune said, correcting the misuse of sexual language.

Tsunade rolled her eyes as Shizune smiled and laughed.

"You health teachers are all alike."

* * *

Tsunade sat in her chair, pretending to file through the attendance as Jiraiya sat on the opposite table, facing hers. He casually worked through his own files neatly and patiently, actually reading them and not just reading the first paragraph and tossing them away. She didn't know why she found him so charming. He never minded what Tsunade did, while everyone else did, and when someone else did something wrong, then he'd mind. He never really noticed her that much, though. He was highly intelligent, dedicated to his work, and never did anything until the work was done. Closest of all, he was the vice principle.

Jiraiya's eyes were a bit red from nonstop reading the files. Tsunade felt hr generosity come by.

"Jiraiya, you look tired!" Tsunade said.

Jiraiya put down his papers and took off his glasses to rub his eyes. "Yeah.. heh."

"Do you need a break?" Tsunade asked, her chin supported by her folded hands.

"Oh, no thank to get back to work—"

"Work shmork. I can't have an employee tiring in front me. It makes me feel guilty." Tsunade said, pouring a cup of cold water in a cup. "Come on, take a break. Have a drink."

Jiraiya sighed and smiled as put his glasses back on and sat next to Tsunade, joining her water drinking.

Tsunade was slightly blushing—not enough for him to notice. Then she had a naughty idea. One that a principle could get fired for.

"You know, the 7th grade's learning Sex Ed." Tsunade informed out of know where.

"Oh really? I was never taught that. I only know the basics." Jiraiya said, ignoring the intent hidden in her tone.

"Oh.. would you like to learn now?" Tsunade said, leaning a bit closer to him.

"No thank you. I dislike reading when it's already my job to." He said, drinking the last of his water.

"Actually I meant…" Tsunade said as Kakashi walked in as he saw what seemed like Tsunade about to pounce Jiraiya. His eyes widened and he stepped back.

"Oh. Um. I-I'm sorry to interrupt!" He said as he ran out the door.

Jiraiya raised an eye brow and let out a small laugh as Tsunade looked down in embarrassment.

_Note to self: try hitting on people when the doors are not unlocked._

**-Yay! Another lame chapter though you guys enjoyed last chapter. xD Yes, Sama. Shizune is based on Bishop. xDD Next chapter; Sex in a cup?!-**


	3. Sex in a cup!

The daily routine settled once more for 4th period, health. Shizune waited and slightly sat on the stool that held the door open as her students walked in. Naruto gave his regular greeting, only to be told go to his seat once more. He was starting to wonder if his politeness was too much for Shizune. Once everyone was seated, Shizune still waited outside to see if anyone came late. Not to her surprise, she had found Ten-Ten dragging Neji up the stairs and into the room.

"Come on, Neji. You can't hide from health forever." Ten-Ten said with an annoyed look on her face.

"But-but-but I don't want to look at creepy pictures!" Neji said, squirming around as Ten-Ten held at his collar and threw him to his seat. Shizune ignored this and tipped her glasses.

"Okay, class. Today we are going to be finishing the STI's section. Pictures included."

The class ewed.

Shizune turned on the PowerPoint projector as Chouji was told to turn off the lights. Hinata was told to be in charge of the slideshow and to proceed to the next slide… containing the horrors of sex.

"Okay, first infection is called…"

The slides passed and passed, all containing slobs of information, of which the students were glad to take down rather than see the pictures. Naruto, Kiba and Sakura sat in their personal table as they watched Ten-Ten sharply watch over Neji as he wrote down all the words that were given from the slide. They, while snickered as Hinata was almost the whitest thing on Earth compared to how Neji looked.

When the information slide was done being copied down, Hinata gulped as she hesitated to click. The class shivered. Naruto and them only laughed.

"Hinata… click, please." Shizune said, impatiently. Hinata nodded and stayed calm as her light fingers tapped the mouse.

The class stayed silent as Shizune explained the pictures. Naruto and them only stared in awe.

"Hey, this isn't so scary… oh… EW… Oh my…. Jesus! Oh! … Ewww! Ahhh! Make it stop!"

The PowerPoint ended and soon Naruto was only few shades away from matching Neji's. Shizune spotted their expressions standing out amongst the rest of the students that practically lay dead.

Kiba kept his head down on the desk to hide his disgust as Sakura sat and tried to remain calm. Naruto just sat there openly with a disgusted face.

"Is there anything wrong, Naruto?" Shizune asked, smirking.

Naruto peered up. "My eyes have been scarred…"

"Hm?"

"Oh, uh, nothing!" Naruto said, pulling himself together and out of his disgust. He looked almost normal now. "Nothing at all… just move on to the next lesson… please…"

Shizune chucked as she wiped her glasses.

"Alright next lesson, 'Sex in a cup.'"

"WHAT!?" The class screamed in horror. Shizune immediately jumped.

"NOT Two girls and a cup!!" Shizune snapped. Everyone sighed in relief.

_Idiotic perverts…_ Shizune thought. She tipped her glasses and proceeded.

"Okay, this is how it will go," Shizune started, lifting up a cup of white-ish substance. "I will give you a cup containing blood, vaginal discharge, etc…"

She passed out 30 cups to each student as they frightfully stared. Where did she get 30 cups of blood and discharge??

"Don't worry, these are fake substances…" Shizune said, aware of the thoughts of these children. "Now, you are going to partner up with two other people of your table and mix your substances into the empty spare cup on your tables."

Kiba, Sakura, and Naruto did so as the other students followed. The substances mixed together, forming not as much as a different color then the rest. It looked disgusting though.

Shizune held out a medicine dropper. "I will then put one drop into each of your cups, and if yours turn pink, you're cup has an STD."

The class chucked. Pink resembling STD's?

She came to each table and dropped the mysterious substance into each of their cup. Naruto and them peered closely to see what color theirs would turn. They waited a few seconds and the substance remained the same.

"Yeah! We're not infected!" Kiba rejoiced as Naruto and Sakura giggled. They heard a shriek from across the room and immediately turned their heads to the source. They found Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji incredibly red. They peered at the color of their cups. It was a very dark pink.

"Haha, you have an STD!" Kiba teased.

"Shut up!" Ino said, trying to retain her paleness.

"Relax, Ino, it's just a simulation." Shizune said, annoyed by her over reaction.

"I don't care! I'm never having sex!" Ino yelled, covering her eyes. They guessed that she had bottled this up from when they were looking at the pictures…

Shizune sighed. "I'm not trying to make you so scared as to not want to have sex anytime in your life, I'm just trying to make you scared to be aware of these so that you may make the correct decisions."

"I am sorry to be so rude, but you are scaring us quite enough!" Lee squirmed.

Shikamaru eyed Shizune. "How about _you_, Shizune. Are _you_ afraid of sex?"

"Yeah! Is that why you're single?" Ten-Ten teased in.

Shizune turned a light shade of red and started to stutter for a moment. She was then saved by the bell as she shivered over to the door and waited for the class to empty. Naruto was the last one to exit the door, and before Shizune went inside, he had stopped her with a question.

"Hey, Shizune," Naruto started.

"Mhm?"

"_Are_ you still a virgin?"

"OUT." Shizune pointed to the direction of the stairs as Naruto leaped and fled.

Shizune gave a hmph after he stumbled down the stairs and shut the door to her class and headed for lunch.

**-My class actually didn't do the Sex in a Cup project (man!!). My friend from elementary, Nina, explained to me how it was done in her school, so I just sorta took the idea. :D. Next Chapter: USE PROTECTION.-**


	4. Clumsy

It was minimum day today; less work for the students, less work for the teachers, a lot of crap for the principal and vice.

Tsunade sat lazily as she lay her head on her desk. It was 3 hours after everyone else was dismissed, and only Tsunade and Jiraiya were working. Tsunade sometimes wondered how he could endure all this work. Not once has he had his eyes off of his work, not even to see what she was doing, not even if what she did was really odd. Tsunade decided to see if she could beat him at it.

She shuffled at her files and went through them as she was supposed to do as she read each of the new ones, signing them and such, sending back replies. After about an hour, she was quite done, and Jiraiya was almost.

He yawned and rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses. Tsunade laughed a little.

"You may be dismissed if you'd like." She generously offered.

"Nah." He said, stretching. His tie was loose and hanging from his neck. "I still need to deal with this first."

Jiraiya peered over to her desk and gasped a little. "My, this place is a mess! Everything's everywhere!" He said, standing up to the middle of the room and stooping over to pick up the files and such.

"Oh, hehe," Tsunade said, scratching at the back of her head. "Sorry about that. And please, I'll clean it up."

Tsunade stood up to take the work of his hands, but an unseen suitcase stood in her way as her right foot hit it and threw her off balance. She fell, trying to find something to hang on to, which happened to be Jiraiya's collar, bringing him down as well. Jiraiya's back thumped on the floor as papers flew about, as Tsunade was cushioned by his torso. Tsunade opened her eyes to find herself on him. She turned really red, so red as to not do anything for a while. His eyes peered through the glasses that were somewhat out of place. When she thought everything was going to go disastrous, Jiraiya only laughed, forgiving her clumsiness.

The door swung open as Kakashi came in. "Hey guys I forgot my--…." He paused, staring at the two on the floor. Tsunade's face turned an even greater shade of red as she only knew what Kakashi was thinking right now. She tried to think of what to say, but she was too penetrated by embarrassment. Jiraiya only looked confused, as if having someone fall on him and stay there was just innocently normal. Kakashi's eyes widened and began to stutter.

"Oh, um. I-I-I'm sorry for i-interupting… a-again!" He said, opening the doors and fleeing.

Tsunade let her head fall on his chest in failure and embarrassment.

"Fuck." She muttered. Jiraiya patted her head in sympathy.

"It's alright."

The doors opened once more as Shizune came in. "Hey what's with Ka—"

She paused as Tsunade just stared in distaste and Jiraiya gave that same confused look. Shizune tried not to freak out. Instead, she tipped her glasses and threw a small packet from her purse at Tsunade.

"Use protection." She said, walking out the door, then running after.

Tsunade picked up the plastic. "I'm shocked enough that she even has this with her."

Jiraiya saw it, not recognizing it. "What is that?"

Tsunade blushed and replied. "Oh, nothing." She laughed a little. Jiraiya laughed as well. The laughter died off as Jiraiya tapped on her head.

"Um. I think you should... get off me now." He said, trying not to sound rude.

"Oh! Uh, yeah. Heh." Tsunade said, rising up from the awkward position with cheeks painted pink. Not a very good way to end the day with someone you supposedly like. Jiraiya laughed and got up.

"Well, I better go," Tsunade said, hoping to escape this newfound embarrassing memory.

"Yeah, me too. I'll just finish these stuff first thing in the morning."

They packed up their belongings as Jiraiya waited at the door for Tsunade. Tsunade closed her bag and walked over, once again, tripping on that unseen suitcase. Cluts. Thankfully, this time, he had caught her before she fell on anyone.

"Ah! Sorry. I'm too clumsy." Tsunade said, blushing and gripping at the arms that saved her further humiliation.

"Heh. It's alright." He said.

She paused for a bit and giggled, as if struck by Cupid or something. Not that she didn't like him enough already.

He sighed a smile as he tilted his head and softly kissed her cheek and felt her grow warm

"Come on, get to home." He said, smiling as he opened the door and let Tsunade go out first, not knowing what a freaking heartthrob he was being right now.

Some men may never know.


	5. Teh Liste!

"Okay, it's the last day of sex ed. Tomorrow, is the last day of school," Naruto sighed.

"I can't wait." Kiba groaned.

(Because Sex Ed is getting a little too graphic and informing people -such as Jess/JirTsu- about sexual information that she is not old enough to learn about, I cannot go on with describing their doings. So, I shall only describe their miraculous reactions of the information being taught to them.)

Shizune tipped her glasses to peer over the class, and surprisingly, no sexual humorous remarks, no apple red faces, no slight giggles, no people on the floor acting like their dying of disgust. All of them were taking the notes they should; She thought something was up.

"Alright, why there no gagging?" She asked suspiciously.

The class looked up, confused.

"Eh?" Naruto said, puzzled. "I thought you wanted all of us to be matuuuuure, like moi?" He winked.

Shizune sighed. "It's better than having to call in the janitor after class. Who knew you'd puke, Chouji?"

Chouji sunk in his seat as he blushed in public embarrassment.

"Alright, congratulations, Sexual Education is over, you all pass, thank you, now leave." She commanded as she waited out the door as everyone left the door, accompanied by their chatter amongst their friends on to lunch."

Kiba walked passed everyone, handing out something to all of them. "Five bucks to you, five bucks to you, ten to you, Neji. Not turning red was killer for you."

Naruto winced as Kiba ran back to him.

"What's the point in paying them to behave during class?"

"Ugh," Kiba started, "it's annoying having to look at people overreact. It's irritating!" He said, putting back his almost empty wallet in his pocket. It was amazing how he had more than a quarter in there, considered how many students he'd paid to shut up.

"Ah well. It's your money," Naruto laughed as Kiba smirked away.

* * *

Naruto sat against the fence with his notebook and pencil in his hands as Sakura sat across.

"Alright," he said, pondering, "tomorrow's the last day. We got to do something epic. Something hilarious--yet legal."

"Like what?" Sakura asked, leaning back onto the grass.

"Hmm... I don't really know. A prank on the teacher'd be funny!"

"I guess."

"Dude, do you know how many times we've wanted to do to Shizune (that's LEGAL!)?" Naruto said, giggling. "Like ask her about ShizuGen?"

"Ahah! I remember that!" Sakura said, laughing a little.

Naruto and Sakura, along with Hinata and Tenten occasionally would wonder why Shizune was still single, despite how pretty she was. They started wondering who would end up as her man, and when they saw Genma and Shizune talking, they automatically paired them up. The rumor that they used to go out gave them all the more tempt to go up to either one of them and ask about the other. Kiba, who was also filled in became bold one day and kept on mentioning parts and scraps of ShizuGen during his presentation during her class. He did not get any information, he only got a lecture outside of class. Lesson not learned, they also pushed him into asking her about him more. Shizune apparently did not get the point; thought it was just some nice small talk about another person. There was also a small argument, when they also saw Shizune constantly with Mr. Hatake. Though it was harder to pair up their names, since he went by his last name, and her her first, so it all came out with HataShi. Tenten and Sakura disagreed, as Naruto and Hinata went up. Occasionally, but not anymore, whenever the random moment called, they'd yell out, "ShizuGen!" "HataShi!" in front of people who knew nothing about it or alone. Crazy students, won't stop getting into their teachers lives.

"Ahah! I'm gunna bring a banner with ShizuGen sparking bold on it!" Naruto said in excitement. Sakura shook her head.

"Neh, we shouldn't. Meddling isn't nice. Especially when we bring it to her face. Kiba got her mad enough about it."

"Eh, I guess you're right," Naruto said, biting his pencil, thinking of other things.

Silence for a while and the idea shot them.

"You know how most of our teachers have an odd way of talking?" Naruto pointed.

"Mhm." Sakura said, giggling and knowing there this was going

"Let's mimic them during class!"

Sakura broke into laughter at the imagination. "Alright!"

Naruto immediately scribbled it down to the list, if which they named, "Teh Liste."

* * *

Period 1, English, Mr. Asuma Sarutobi

"Alright, dudes, here we go, last day, nothing to do, so dudes, watch this movie." Mr. Sarutobi said, playing the video, turning off the lights, and sitting down to the corner of the room (his desk) to read something.

Naruto turned his back against his seat and faced Mr. Sarutobi, "Hey--"

"Not now, dude. It's movie-time" Mr. Sarutobi said, shuffling through his papers.

"Alright, _dude_, I'll talk when it's after class-time, _dude._" Naruto immediately turned back to the screen and resumed watching the starting movie as Kiba and Sakura cackled silently from behind and Mr. Sarutobi just rolled his eyes and continued what he was doing.

--

Period 2, Math, Mr. Iruka Umino

Naruto sat in his seat to find more than half of the class half-empty, only to find Sakura, Hinata, Kiba, Lee, TenTen, and Neji present. He figured they all went ditching. Math was a pain. And why on the last day? Cause sadly, Mr. Umino didn't know how to have fun on the last day.

"Alright, um... clasth. We're going to watch a movie. Tho jutht thit down and enjoy..." He said, his lisp showing itself onthe--I mean once more. He turned on the DVD player. The screen went blue and only blue.

"Hmm.." Mr. Umino said as he opened the DVD player to find no disc. "My! Where did I put the dithc?" He said, srambling over his desk.

Naruto tilted his head to get his view from th heads blocking him and smirked. "I believe it ith sthill plathed in itths cathe under your dethk, Mithter Umino."

"Oh, why thank you, Naruto." He cluelessly said, picking up the case and resuming the movie.

Naruto fell back on his seat laughing quietly as Sakura giggled.

"You're sad."

--

Period 3, P.E, Mr. Gai Might.

Since it was the last day, they needn't change into their P.E. clothes.

"Okay, kids," Mr. Maito said, "since it's the last day of the last week, we will do the same as the other past few days: screw around freely, or screw around with hoola-hoops or jump ropes."

A line formed from the doors to retrieve their P.E. toys. Naruto got in line for a jump rope.

"Hey, Uzumaki. How do I know you won't end up screwing around with the rope by screwing it. It's jump rope, not rape rope," Mr. Maito said. The last time he handed Naruto and his people the rope, they did a few jumps, and then went on strangling people with it by wrapping it around them.

"No, I won't screw around like I usually screw around, unless you want me to screw around with the rope by screwing the rope then, sure I'll screw it up and screw it for you, but in this case you don't want me to scr--"

"No rope for you. You need to shut you screwing trap."

"Screw you!" Naruto said as he fled along with his joke party, laughing away.

--

Period 4, Health/Science, Shizune

"Hey Shi--"

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing I just--"

"I thought so."

_Paaaranoid._

"I TOLD you you shouldn't be the one to do it!" Naruto silently yelled as Kiba laughed a shrug.

--

Period 5, Animation, Genma

Genma sat in his chair with the big screen behind him. "Alright, since it is the last day, Genma will treat you with another boring movie, or Genma will allow you to do whatever you want, just as long Genma doesn't hear you, because Genma is awesome and does not like noise. Thank you, now shoo."

Naruto lifted from his chair and up to Genma. "Hey Genma,"

Genma chewed on his toothpick and eyed Naruto. "What do _you_ want"

"Well," Naruto started a smug smirk, "Naruto doesn't really like holding in, and Naruto is very sorry for that, but can Naruto perhaps go the bathroom?"

"Uh, why?"

"Why," Naruto said, his smile bigger, "Naruto dislikes it when Naruto's digestive system works at unexpected times, and Naruto really needs to go."

Genma rolled his eyes and saw through his prank and sighed. "Fine. Just never talk to me like me again. It's freaky."

"Don't you mean talk to _Genma_ like_ Genma_?" Naruto tilted his body to the side to look all the more cute.

Genma eyed Naruto a dirty look and before he could say anything Naruto had already left to the bathroom, hearing the laughs from his friends from behind.

--

Period 6, History, Ms. Kurenai (Substituted)

Naruto sat in his seat disappointed. "We have _Koharu _for a substitute? Shouldn't she be retired?"

"Greetings, class," Koharu waved lowly, her voice creeking and emphasizing her old age.

Shikamaru laughed and decided to mess with her senile state. "Good afternoon, Ms. Ancient, nice having your crippled presence here!"

"Why thank you, young man." Koharu ignorantly thanked, not aware of what he meant.

Naruto rolled his eyes and decided to pity the old woman. "No prank for today." he said as he crossed off 6th period from Teh Liste.

* * *

Naruto, Sakura, Kiba, and Hinata along with TenTen sat by the tree at the back of the school enjoying their daily routine; Ice cream. Minimum days were the best days to hang out, especially with ice cream.

"Hmm," Naruto said in thought as he bit off part of the cone. "What do we do now?"

"Aw come on," Kiba said, disposing his finished cone wrapper. "It was hilarious enough today."

"Yeah, but I want to have some fun. Fun fun. Not teacher pranking palooza fun." Naruto paused and stared at the roof covered by the fence beside them as everyone followed. He smirked.

Over the fence were school classrooms that were below the ground they were currently sitting on. Once you climbed the fence (and didn't jump all the way down, or else you'd, uh, DIE), you could hook onto the roof and climb on top of it.

"Who wants to jump on a roof?"

--

"Hey! Get back over here! I'm gunna call the cops on you!" The old man from across the street yelled.

Naruto and them immediately grabbed their backpacks and ran down the hill towards the front of the school.

"I didn't know roof climbing was illegal!!" He said, running for his life.

"Wait! I can't run in grandma heels!" Sakura said, trying not to trip. TenTen caught up to her.

"I can't run in heels, period!"

Hinata just followed, laughing and amused at their foolishness as Kiba made a face.

They reached the front of the school and slammed their backpacks on the stairs, exhausted.

"I am never doing that again!" Naruto said, collapsing on the stairs.

"Genius." Sakura murmured.

--

Shizune peeped through the upper office window (the doors were locked). Nothing big was happening, like the time she and Kakashi saw them, well. On the floor.

"I can't see clearly! Lift me higher." Shizune said as Kakashi was struggling below her. She was kneeling on his shoulders, and what made him all the more uncomfortable, was that she was wearing a skirt (thank god she was wearing leggings). She fixed her glasses and pressed her head to the window. Tsunade was sitting at her desk staring at something from across the room. When she asumed it was Jiraiya doing something, she commanded Kakashi to move more to the left. As he did so, she only saw Jiraiya doing his paperwork.

"Grr!" Shizune frustrated. "Jiraiya's too innocent for Tsunade. They'll never get caught in the seemingly act." She said, tipping her glasses and Kakashi took deep breathes, trying not to collapse on his shaking knees.

"You may put me down now," she said.

Kakashi fell on the floor, squirming in relief as he brought Shizune along with her. Shizune immediately stood up and dusted herself, trying to look professional.

"What the hell are you doing?" A voice came from the left hall. Shizune and Kakashi looked to find Naruto and Sakura with what was left of their ice cream cones. Shizune panicked silently and pushed them out of the hall.

"Okay. You guys like messing, pranking, or anything that seems funny to you, right?" She said, trying to reason.

"Yeahhh, soooo?" Naruto said, confused. This is the everyday Shizune, is it?

Shizune squatted down to their height. "I need you guys to help me set Senju and Ero up."

"What?!" Naruto said, with his mouth full of cone. Shizune went to her knees

"Pleaaaaase! It's killing me that they're not something by now!"

"For all we know." Kakashi said (out of nowhere).

"Please we need all your mischeif--by they way where are the rest of you?" Shizune said, tilting her head to look behind them for any possible hiding students.

"Uh, they all went home. Afraid that the cops might come."

"Cops?"

"Mmm, long story." Sakura said, eyes trailing off.

Shizune waved her hand back and forth to try to ignore her urge to ask of the story.

Naruto eyed her. "Why do you need our help anyways?"

"I'm a teacher, Kakashi's staff, while you are students."

"...And?"

"We'll get in more trouble."

"Gah," Sakura said. They paused for a moment to think about it. They didn't really believe in pairing up people who they didn't think weren't for each other. They could, but they haven't seen anything to prove a conclusion on. But Kakashi and Shizune did.

Shizune happened to steal a photo of they saw. She flashed it to Naruto and Sakura as they wowed in amazement.

"We'll do it!"

--

Teh Liste:

_PLAN A: Fake notes_

Shizune walked into the the empty office holding two fake love letters in them. She slipped one in Tsunade's work files and one in his. She briskly walked out as she hid in the corner of the stairs with Naruto and Sakura, who were giggling. Once Jiraiya and Tsunade returned to their offices, Shizune had Sakura stand on Naruto to peek in the higher window like she and Kakashi previously did. Sakura looked carefully and both piles.

She eyed them carefully as she saw Tsunade lift up the pile. Their breath of success was almost to come-- if they didn't throw both piles away

"Crap!" Sakura cursed, leaping off of Naruto's back. "We slipped it in the files to be trashed."

_Conclusion: FAIL.  
_

_PLAN B: Trip Tsunade on Jiraiya._

Naruto set up the string from the door. It was calculated to a hiehgt that could not be noticed but could not be walked over on. Naruto hid in the stairs with the other two.

"Sure this is going to work?" Naruto said, a bit nervous.

"Yes," Shizune assured. "Jiraiya left the office, and usually he returns right when Tsunade is going out, intersecting each other. The string is tied to the door and the wall, so when she opens it the string will stretch and she'll trip. Hopefully chance will be at our side now."

"Psh. And you were the one who taught us probability." Naruto rolled his eyes.

The door crept open as a particular blond came stepping out. Tsunade, no doubt. The tense vibe caused Naruto to sweat a bit. This was the most exciting day of his short little life. Tsunade took the first step out as a male figure was walking towars the office--but it wasn't Jiraiya. Tsunade's foot was caught by the string as she fell on the figure. Naruto and gave themselves facepalms in different directions simultaneously. Kakshi lay there under Tsunade with a really red face. Tsunade squealed and leaped up.

"Um! Sorry, Kakashi!" she said as she picked up her dropped files and scrammed. Jiraiya walked in from the siding room. He stood and looked at Kakashi who was on the floor and looked back at Tsunade who was running away into the printing office.

"She tripped again, didn't she?"

_Conclusion: FAIL  
_

_PLAN C: Fake phone calls._

Shizune dialed in Jiraiya's number as she dialed Tsunade's in Naruto's phone.

"Okay, remember to sound exactly like him."

"How about you?" Sakura asked.

"I've practiced for when she left me in her office and phone calls came." She snickered.

First up was Jiraiya and then Tsunade.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Oh, uhm, hiii Jiraiya."

"...?"

"I was wondering if we could go out to dinner tonight, you know?"

"... What?"

"Dinner? Us?"

"..."

"Forget it!" Shizune said in her own voice, giving away her cover and hanging up. From the office they could hear him silently laughing despite his confusion.

Naruto punched in send and held the phone to his ear as Sakura and Shizune just stared at him.

"It's worth the laugh."

"Hello?" She picked up.

"Yes, uh, Tsunade, how are you?" Naruto said, trying on his lowest voice.

"Naruto."

"Shit!" He cursed as he hung up.

_Conclusion: FAIL.  
_

_PLAN D: Persuasion._

"So, Tsunade," Shizune said, holding her offered cup of coffee, "do you like Jiraiya?"

"WHAT NO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WE'RE ONLY FRIENDS OH LOOK AT THE TIME BYE!"

Shizune stood there as Tsunade fled only faster.

"Mhm."

In the office, Naruto, who often talked to Jiraiya somewhat visited him.

"Hey, Mr. Ero!" He kindly greeted.

"Hi, Naruto." He said, not looking up and staying focused on his papers.

"So," Naruto started, "how are you and Ms. Senju?"

"We're good. She's doing a good job."

"No, I mean..."

"Hm?"

"Gah, forget it."

_Conclusion: FAIL._

_PLAN E: Shove them into each other_

_Conclusion: Pushing was a success, the impact was a success, Jiraiya holding lunch? FAIL._

--

The three sat at the stairs once more.

"Grr!" Naruto growled. "This is aggravating! How can we do this right...?!"

"I don't know... I give up." Sakura said, trailing the surface of one stair with her finger as she sat.

They all paused for a moment as Shizune rubbed her chin and looked down in thought. It soon hit her. Her eyes flashed as an imaginary light bulb flashed on and suddenly disappeared (classic, no?).

"I've got it." She said, wearing a smirk.

"Hm?" Naruto and Sakura said simultaneously.

"Get hem alone at one of their houses."

"What? How the hell are we going to do that?" Naruto said, trying to push some logic that Shizune seemed to be lacking at the moment.

"...The same way Tsunade got to share her office with him." She said, wearing a smirk and dialing a certain phone number of who knows who's.

"Oh Lord," Sakura said, facepalming.

**-ALRIGHT! This is the longest chapter I've ever written -is a loser- Me and my friends actually did the roof thingy and we were threatened with the cops. xD I was the one wearing the granny heels and my friend Vicki the one with the heels heels. Me and Sama were the ones who made Teh Liste (she named it) and, we did want to mock all the teachers, but couldn't cause well, we don't really talk to them often. xD So we just stuck post-its on them that said POKE. Yes, we're weird. x3. So anyways, I'm pretty sure you can guess what happens next chapter. His house's going down, too. Poor Jiraiya. Anyhow, stay tuned for extra upcoming fluff!-**


	6. Tsunade's new roommate?

**-Uh, this has nothing to do with this story, but I just need to say. I knoooow I have been sort of neglecting my other fanfic, Apart, for this story. I don't know, I'm just not into writing about drama-llama anymore. But. But but but but. I promise I will finish it once I get my drama-llama back on. I know it will get back on. It better get back on. I need to show you guys my wonderful ending! xD**

**So, uh, anyways, yeah. Enjoy. If the writing gets really crappy for any of my current fanfics, it's because I got lazy or something. It should say.-**

"Well, it's time for me to go," Jiraiya said, finally finishing packing up as Tsunade was still stuffing things into her b

"See you when vacation's over. Or sooner. I don't know," Tsunade said as Jiraiya found it cute and laughed. He opened the door and went off into his car to head home.

* * *

He drove about 5 blocks away and reached his street. He checked in his pocket for his house key, but found it was missing. He did not panic (yet).

Jiraiya parked his car at the sidewalk while he eyes the blue material that covered his house. He came out of the car with a puzzled face. A police officer was standing outside the house as two other short ones continued to wrap caution tape around the doors. He walked up to the one standing doing nothing.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you guys doing to my house?" He said, panicking to himself.

The officer faced him, "I'm sorry, sir, but this house has been put under caution because there's been a reported termite attack,"he said, his mustache wiggling around. The officer's voice seemed a bit forced into tone, like a woman trying to sound like a man.

"Oh God," Jiraiya said, slamming his hand lightly onto his face. "What about my stuff?"

"We've managed to collect most of the none-wood items and bring them out here."

"Ah, good," he said, "But where am I to stay?"

"I don't know," the officer cutely said, "perhaps you may ask a close friend or relative if you may stay with them."

Most of Jiraiya's relatives were either gone or in another state, he didn't have that much close friends. It all went down to one person. Jiraiya left the officer who went away to speak with the other two shorter police men. He went in his car and sat for a while as he pulled out his cell phone, not knowing if he had the courage to ask. He ended up dialing the number anyways; what else was there to do?

* * *

"Hello?" The other lines picked up, a feminine tone in the speaker.

"Um, Tsunade," Jiraiya said nervously.

"Oh, hi Jiraiya. What's up?"

"You see," Jiraiya started, "my house's been closed due to, uh, termites." He said, not knowing whether the way he said things made the story sound fake or not.

"That's horrible," she said in sympathy, "Where are you going to stay?"

"About that," Jiraiya said, "None of my relatives live in this state, and I don't really have anyone else for me to stay with, so may I..."

"Would you mind staying with me?" She said. He could feel her nervousness through the phone by asking. Or was that his excitement and him relieved that she was open?

"Oh, I was just about to ask you," he said, making it sound coincidental. "Do you mind? I mean is there enough space? I wouldn't want to invade and take away any of your space--"

"Nah, it's fine, I've got a 2 roomer."

"Alright, great," Jiraiya said with a smile. "What time should I come?"

"Anytime today is fine. If you need help packing up--"

"No, it's fine. I can bring it in myself. I'll try today."

"Alright."

"Okay. Thank you so much. Later."

"Bye."

Jiraiya hung up with a smile on his face. He didn't exactly know why, but he was just excited. As ignorant as he was, he had no idea how excited she herself was.

* * *

The three "officers" watched as Jiraiya took his things into his car. It was a van, really, so everything fit neatly. He didn't bother to take more than just his clothes and his personal items for hygiene; He was staying over, not moving. When he left and they were sure he wasn't going to come back, the officer tore off his "mustache"

"It worked!" Shizune rejoiced, revealing her police guise.

Naruto and Sakura took off their caps.

"Who knew," Naruto chuckled.

"And we'll leave it all to them." Sakura smirked.

* * *

Jiraiya knocked on the door as Tsunade only knew who it was. Not much people came to stay with her, let alone even visit.

(Because the Author is feeling rather lazy right now, she's going to skip the unimportant stuff of this part and skip right into when he settles in.)

"Nice place you have here," Jiraiya complemented, "it's looks comfortable."

Tsunade laughed a bit. "Wait until you get a load of the couch." She stepped off to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Hungry? Want anything?"

"Oh no, thank you. I ate at school. After I cleaned up the mess." Jiraiya laughed, remembering Naruto's attempt to bash them together. He still couldn't figure if the action was an intention. Poor, clueless Jiraiya. You're too innocent to fall for anything!

"Good," Tsunade said, taking out a piece of pie. "You were going to have to cook them yourself." Tsunade joked. Well, sort of. She still didn't know how to cook. But Jiraiya did. He completed her and her household needs. Jiraiya was the only child of a dying mother when he was a child. Of course he had to help in every way he could. He so was able to let his mother live longer than she expected. And here he is now, having those remarkable skills do him better as it did his mother. Probably the main reason he did not search for a woman. He was entirely dependent, he didn't need a woman to trap herself in his house, doing everything that he couldn't while he was away at work, he didn't want to have a woman do all those things for him. It seemed like slave driving. To him, at least.

But it might just go the other way for him in this case.

"You're not going to make me cook dinner, are you?" Jiraiya laughed as he untied his hair to re-tie it perfectly. Tsunade smirked as she sat on the table and stuffed a small piece of pie into her mouth.

"Not entirely," she said, after swallowing it down. "You may need to help, that is if you expect well-cooked meals."

"How do you eat if you don't cook?"

"Eh, I'm just used to my crappy cooking," she reasoned as she smirked and put away the plate with pie crumbs.

Jiraiya walked over to the stove. A pot or pan occupied each spot. All the other pots or pans were stored in the oven. He figured she had no other place to put them, as he imagined her having to take out all those things just to bake something. Then again, assuming how bad she cooks from what she says, she wouldn't try anything that could possibly burn the whole street. He giggled and thought it cute for some reason. He sat down on the table as Tsunade joined him, sitting across.

"So, when are the termites going away?" She asked. _Hopefully it doesn't, _she thought. She blushed a little while thinking it, though Jiraiuya didn't care to point it out, nor notice.

"I don't know," Jiraiya said, scratching his head. "They told me in a few weeks. Several, perhaps." He frowned a bit, feeling a bit homesick already. He smiled after and looked up at her. "But I guess it'll be worthwhile spending my time away from home with you."

Tsunade lay her head on her hand and smiled a small giggle, blushing a light pink.

Jiraiya messed with his bangs a bit until he looks up and noticed parts of his lunch molded into strands of his hair. Who knew Plan E actually did something for Plan F. Tsunade stared and laughed as she pulled out some sticky strands o f her hair as well.

"I think we need a bath," Jiraiya giggled. Tsunade turned a Neji-leveled-red for a second. Oh Tsunade, your dirty, dirty mind.

Jiraiya actually took notice but still didn't point it out. "Who'll go first?"

"First?" Tsunade stammered for a moment, "oh right. Uh, I don't know. It looks like you need it more than I do," she said, flicking parts of his sticky hair. He laughed as he went for the hallway into the bathroom.

No, people, Tsunade has no intention of peeping.

* * *

Tsunade waited out the door. She only noticed how annoying sticky hair could be, no matter how small the spot was. Especially if it smelled like beef. The shower was cut off and in a few minutes the door was unlocked and opened. Jiraiya stepped out, wearing his pajamas. He wore a plain white t-shirt and red fluffy pants. Tsunade looked up to find his hair wrapped in a towel. Jiraiya looked down at her waiting for her reaction. Her face only showed pure pleasure.

Tsunade burst into sudden laughter. "You look like such a girl."

Jiraiya laughed. "This is what I get for not getting a haircut for almost all my life."

Tsunade laughed and went in the bathroom as Jiraiya stepped out. When Tsunade finished she dressed into her jammies, which was a set of light green shirt and pants with small imprints of pig tracks. Jiraiya stepped out of his given room.

"Cute," He said, looking at the piggy prints. "Do you have pink pajamas with dog prints?" He joked. Tsunade smirked.

"At least I'm not the one struggling combing my hair," she said, pulling out his arm from the back of his neck. He was holding his brush, and when Tsunade peered over his head, she saw that the top of his hair was nicely brushed, but the rest wet and tangled.

"Here," tsunade said, taking the brush out of his hands, "Let mee help." She said, sounding jokingly unwilling.

Jiraiya sat on the floor as Tsunade sat on the couch above him. She picked up bunches of strands of his tangled white hair. It was amazing how white it was, and how young he was.

"How do you brush your hair??" Tsunade said, practically strangling his hair with the brush.

"I usually don't," Jiraiya said, giggling a bit. Tsunade sighed and smiled. "Figures."

"It's been years since I had help with something as small as my hair. It's the only thing I ever needed help with in the house."

"Funny," Tsunade said, finally making her way through the tangles. "You can do all these things but you can't comb your own hair."

"Yeah," Jiraiya said. "My mom would usually help."

Tsunade paused for a moment. His mother died a few years ago. "Oh. I'm sorry."

"Neh, don't be," Jiraiya said. "She lived longer than expected. That's what's important"

Tsunade finished up the rest of his hair. "Because her wittle boy was able to help her." Tsunade said, peeking her head over his shoulders. She patted the side of his shoulder signaling him to get up. She stood up and looked up at him. "Now look, your hair is much better all flat and combed out."

Jiraiya smiled and went into the guest room. Tsunade sat back on the couch.

It was at that moment where she found another reason to like him. Despite being raised without a father, having no siblings, no close cousins, all aunts and uncles neglecting him, basically having a jacked up family, he grew up a giver, a gentleman, innocent, caring, and mature. _Longer than expected, that's what's important, _Tsunade repeating in her mind. If she were in his place, she'd be having an emotional breakdown all the time if the name was mentioned. But no, he was strong, mature, reasonable, and feminine. Women do love feminine men.

The phone rang and broke Tsunade's fangirl thoughts.

Tsunade leaned over to the side drawer next to the couch and picked up the pearl white phone and pressed it over to her ear.

"Hello, Senju residence," Tsunade answered.

"Hi, Tsunade," Shizune said on the other line, "And since when do you answer like that?"

Tsunade laughed. "Since tonight. What's up?"

"Well, I thought you'd like to know.."

"Mhm...?"

"You know how Jiraiya's house has been 'termited'?"

"Uh...huh... What about it?"

"It's really not."

"What?"

"No termites."

"Oh..." Tsunade said, a little confused.

"You see," Shizune awkwardly started. "it's just an excuse so he could stay in your house."

Tsunade jumped up. "What?! This is all just a set-up?"

"SHH! Lower down! He might hear!"

Tsunade sat back down. "This is a set-up?"

"Practically... I just thought you'd like to know before, you know. Everything turns out bad you can just kick him out and send him back to his house."

Tsunade sighed. "I'm telling him."

"What?! Why?"

"We're not just people you can toy with for your own personal enjoyment! Haven't you heard that meddling isn't good?"

Shizune flashed back for a while, remembering something that Sakura mentioned about Naruto's previous plot of the ShizuGen banner. 'Meddling isn't nice.'

"Well... if you put it that way..."

"So I'm going to tell him now," Tsunade said, standing up from the couch heading over to the guest room.

"No, don't!"

"Why not?"

"Think about it! If he spends time with you, he might actually end up liking you."

Tsunade stood there silent and thought for a moment. I guess some fun over the vacation wouldn't hurt.

"You've grown to be so devious, Shizune. I dislike it and like it at the same time."

Shizune giggled. "Learned it from you."

"And I wish I wasn't the one to raise you."

Tsunade hung up as she sat back on the couch, staring onto the ceiling. "I just know this isn't going to turn out right."

**-Alright, now thisss is my longest chapter so far. I guess I got carried away. Heh. I hope you enjoyed!-**


End file.
